Living with Borderline Personality Disorder is difficult . For those around them who love and care for them it can also be difficult . Here are some questions to support and facilitate change for someone living with BPD . These questions can help you and your loved one living with BPD explore what going on for them and help with insights into their own, behaviours, reactions and triggers . This can help with brainstorming ideas to help them and you navigate their thoughts emotions and feelings . It is possible to create a healthy and connected relationship through exploration and understanding . People living with BPD can and do have sustainable, rewarding and happy relationships and you as their loved one can help them get there ! Best of luck !
- Building Rapport & Trust
Since individuals with BPD often struggle with trust and fear of abandonment, establishing a safe and validating environment is crucial.
- “What do you wish people understood about you?”
- “What makes you feel safe in relationships?”
- “How do you feel about being here today?”
- Exploring Emotional Regulation
People with BPD experience intense emotions. Helping them recognize and manage these feelings is key.
- “What emotions feel the hardest for you to handle?”
- “Can you describe a time when you felt overwhelmed? What did you do?”
- “How do you usually express anger or sadness?”
- “What helps you calm down when emotions feel out of control?”
- Understanding Relationships & Attachment
BPD is often characterized by unstable relationships and fear of abandonment.
- “What patterns have you noticed in your relationships?”
- “When you feel someone pulling away, how do you typically respond?”
- “What makes you feel abandoned or rejected?”
- “What do you need in a relationship to feel secure?”
- Identifying Coping Strategies
Encourage self-awareness about coping mechanisms, both helpful and harmful.
- “What are some ways you try to cope when you’re feeling distressed?”
- “Have you noticed any coping strategies that work well for you?”
- “Are there any unhealthy habits you’d like to change?”
- Encouraging Self-Compassion
Many individuals with BPD struggle with self-worth and self-criticism.
- “What are some things you like about yourself?”
- “If a friend were in your situation, what would you say to comfort them?”
- “What would it look like if you were kind to yourself?”
- Addressing Impulsivity & Self-Destructive Behaviors
Impulsivity is common in BPD, and asking about it in a nonjudgmental way can open up dialogue.
- “When you act on impulse, what’s going through your mind?”
- “Do you ever feel like your emotions control your actions?”
- “What happens right before you engage in self-destructive behaviors?”
- “What could help you pause in those moments?”
- Helping Them Develop Future Goals
Focusing on hope and progress can empower them.
- “What kind of life do you want to build for yourself?”
- “What would change if you felt more in control of your emotions?”
- “What’s one small step you can take toward the life you want?”