Investing in resilience talk with your kids 

 

We all can recognise gaps in our psychological nurturing as children, just as our parents recognise the gaps in theirs and, hopefully, breaking that chain of repetition becomes part of our new parenting permutation. We never fully get there. Sometimes  we slip back into the behaviours and learnt responses as well as old modes of thinking and core beliefs, that were etched in our childhood psyche sometimes subversively and covertly- Hijacking our equilibrium and our sense of well-being. We spend the rest of our lives struggling with the waves of cyclical doubt and then bravery as we navigate goals, ambitions and success.

This filters into the essence of how we interact and what we teach our children about how the world works and the psychological tools they need to succeed. We are as parents are a work in progress and being aware of how you parent, and what you consciously nurture in your children is imperative if we are to raise children that are not just loved but have resilience and confidence in their abilities in the world.

There are some things when we can say to our kids from a young age, that can help them not just survive the ebb and flow of life but go with it, with a calm positive way of being while they experience those bumps.  Here are some gems of wisdom and reality that I wish I had known as a teenager and young adult.

 

 

• Don’t let others define who you are or how you think. Remain secure and consistent across time in who you are and what your strengths  and passions are irrespective of what others say or do about your abilities. Develop those strengths and passions forever.

 

• You don’t have to be perfect at what you do to get a decent job. You just need to be willing to keep learning.

 

• You won’t get sacked the second you make a mistake in your job, everyone makes mistakes even the boss. Own it and you will win respect. You get better at it over time.

 

• Rejection is the pathway to success. Keep at it if you love it, you will find momentum and rewards. Always listen to your “authentic self” to guide you in your decisions for a career. Rejection is not confirmation of your overall inabilities or lack of talent. Rejection is always contextual.

 

• Work every day in increments towards your goals. They gain traction across time. Have a long term  plan with achievable incremental goals.

 

• If you get anxious about performance appraisal,do some work on yourself to help manage it. There are many self- soothing strategies you can utilise. Don’t just avoid that area of your life. You will regret it.

 

• Someone’s opinion is just that, THEIR opinion. Even an “expert” is just someone with an opinion. Everyone has one and they are not necessarily factual. Having an opinion different to others will not mean you are wrong or they are wrong, and will not get you into serious trouble every-time a clash occurs with authority.

 

• Don’t give over your self power to ANYONE. Nobody is an authority over you, except you.

 

• Older people with more experience don’t have all the answers and there are many alternative ways to views the same things, and do the same things. Your voice is just as important. There is no  standard “code” for living and behaviours that  other people have  access to that you are yet to learn.

 

• Treat yourself and others always with respect even if you are seething inside. Displayed anger rarely works as a strategy for getting what you want.

 

• Don’t be bullied , intimidated, or talked into, anything you feel is not right for you. Your doubt is a sign it is probably not right for you .

 

 

• Spend less time worrying about how  you look to others , and more time on developing skills and your natural talents.

 

• People get over the mistakes you make, and do not hold them against you every time. If they do, its time to move on from them.

 

• Don’t settle for less because you are scared. Generate the results you want, across time.

 

• There are 3 types of people in the world. One who will love you, one who will hate you and one who will be indifferent. So be the constant in your own life.

 

 

• Apologise for your mistakes, admit when you are wrong it means you are strong and dignified.

 

• For every success, you experience there will have been many failures too. That’s ok. Failure is the pathway to success.

 

• Go with your instinct. Life is too short to be dictated by any other forces in your world.

 

•       Laugh a lot, and be generous of spirit – it comes back to you.

 

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