Apr 2017
How do I fight fair with my loved ones ?

It’s so easy for us to allow others to push our buttons . What we hope to do and be in conflict is often so different to how we operate when emotionally triggered .

My husband and I  had years where we would fight to be right rather than  find resolution to the problem. I used to jump in all the time barely before he had finished his sentence, with what I had to ” get him with “. The feeling that I had to trump him ( sorry for the pun lol ) was there all the time and I am sure a consequence of how I learned to resolve conflict from role models in my younger life. I can remember literally screeching some choice juicy expletives at the top of my voice to my ex-boyfriend, one summer, on Lake Eildon in our boat.  I had two “guests” in attendance . They looked up at me in horror as I rocked from side to side, my fist in the air pointing straight at at the helm.  I didn’t blink an eye lid at the time. To say the least that relationship went nowhere fast ( not even in a speedboat ) .  My marriage and sanity has survived much longer ! and this was due to learning some great tips about fighting fair along the way.

Some things that may be useful :
1 . Stick to the issue . If you start a stream of previous grievances from the past you will get kick back and defensiveness . Best to be clear and specific .
2. Fight fair . No degrading language or low blows . They tend to stick in the soul
3. Express your feelings with ” I ” statements . It shows you take responsibility for your feelings
4. Don’t yell . That’s intimidation and bullying .
5. Take time out if things get heated and you are in danger of going too far .
6. Acknowledge the others feelings even if you don’t agree with their view .
7. Acknowledge your part in the conflict equation . You will be surprised how disarming that becomes for others .
8. Come to a compromise . There is no perfect answer to an argument.
9. Don’t stonewall . If you can’t talk right now say so , and make it clear you will be back to discuss it when you have calmed down and cleared your head .
Conflict is part of being human the better the skills we develop the richer and more solid our relationships will be come .

What are your strategies to conflict resolution ?

Need help relating to your loved one ?  I can help. First consultation is free !