29 Sep 2017

My teen won’t talk to me and sides with their other parent after our break-up.

My teen won’t talk to me and sides with their other parent after our break-up.     So, you feel you have done nothing wrong, yet your teen has created a story with you as the resident bad guy!  Are your ears burning? It is very hard when one or both parents involve the child in their agendas and it can be so detrimental to the child's emotional wellbeing and subsequent relationship with the alienated parent. It can make the estranged parent feel angry, hurt, stressed and pushed out. It can be a lonely frustrating place to find yourself. What…

Read more

05 Sep 2017

Things I wish Mum had told me….

   Investing in resilience talk with your kids    We all can recognise gaps in our psychological nurturing as children, just as our parents recognise the gaps in theirs and, hopefully, breaking that chain of repetition becomes part of our new parenting permutation. We never fully get there. Sometimes  we slip back into the behaviours and learnt responses as well as old modes of thinking and core beliefs, that were etched in our childhood psyche sometimes subversively and covertly- Hijacking our equilibrium and our sense of well-being. We spend the rest of our lives struggling with the waves of cyclical doubt…

Read more

09 Aug 2017

My teen disrespects me and has an answer for bloody everything !

What do you do when you have a loving but disrespectful teen ?  It seems to go with the territory of having this wonderful, feisty, caring, smart, and dynamic child doesn't it ?  She will argue until she is blue in the face and will NEVER back down . They can be right fighters at that age because they have not learnt that negotiation , compromise and owning your part in the problem is part of being an adult and  the best way to navigate successful relations . Sounds familiar ? Many teens are like this and grow out of it…

Read more

09 Aug 2017

My teen has depression and self harms- now what can I do ?

My Teen has diagnosed Depression and self harms, I know I need to support her but how best can I do that as her parent ? When your teen is in the throes of depression, parents can feel helpless and sometimes frustrated that they cannot “fix” the way their child feels. I remember when my brother become sick all my Mum wanted to do was to take it on for him. Wishing that she could be sick instead of him as she said, I could deal with it better “. It broke my heart. I didn’t quite understand what this…

Read more

29 Jul 2017

My teen’s boyfriend is a bad ass !

What can you do if your teen has a boyfriend you don’t like? It can be such a source of tension between you and your teen, especially if they are keen on them. Parents have very good radar when it comes to the type of characters that come into their kid’s lives to influence them. Subtle signs that things are not quite right seem to filter through even when you are not directly looking or probing them.  Your daughter seems a bit anxious or irritable, after talking to him a bit too often, she changes the conversation if you mention…

Read more

29 Jul 2017

Ahhh, ok, so, THIS is complicated grief.

  It was the worst experience of my life. I thought I would die from the pain.  Sam dumped me after 14 months. When we meet it was as the old saying goes, fireworks and an intensity I had not known in my previous relationship at University.  He was 6 years younger than me but funny and wise and joyful. When he told me outside his friend’s house one cold night I could not believe it.  I went through many of the commonly described stages of grief: First it was a shock reaction, I felt that my mind had just…

Read more

06 Jul 2017

Medicate or Not to Medicate…..That is the question ?

Medicate or not to medicate…. that is the question  ? Boy am I tired.  Yes, fed up to the back teeth, of the divisive, useless, arguments around depression and use of medication. Sure, most people know by now that serious psychiatric disorders require medication.  When your sister  is telling you that she was  born with the ability to fly  and  that God wants her to  build a spaceship, you know that its time for urgent psychiatric intervention. The break with reality brings special challenges and a visceral imperative to protect our loved ones from themselves . When it comes to…

Read more

14 Jun 2017

7 Quick Tips For Talking To Your Teens

Seven  Quick Tips for talking to your teen: 1. Start young! Don't think you can all of a sudden at 16 start talking to them about boys, good grades, sex, relationships if you haven't done any foundational work! They will look at you and shut down (she’s gone all parenty on me) or roll their eyes as if to say “yeah Mum ,already know that!" 2. Start with your world not theirs, at first, best to come at the questioning, with your own sharing - " I had this funny thing happen to me today..." Have you heard of.... I…

Read more

14 May 2017

Grieving Teens- what can I possibly say ?

  Last week I had a roomful of sobbing teens after a sudden horrific death of one of their school friends. They converged on my room like a swarm of broken- hearted doves . What do you say ? There is nothing you can say that would not sound hollow or trite is there? Saying, " oh this is just tragic and awful " is stating the bleeding obvious right ? Yes and No . There are no words that can change the status quo or truly give comfort to that shocking paralysing moment you learn that someone you love…

Read more