15 Jan 2018

I am going to Family Mediation , how can I prepare ?

  Family mediation can be a very daunting thought . Family units bring with them a whole history of values , behaviours, beliefs,  perspectives, personalities  and ways of interrelating which have been established and maintained for many years. From the moment we come into a family we are  moulded, and we help to mould and shift expectations of each other, starting with the messages we get from our parents, how they relate to each other and how they respond to us as we grow. American psychiatrist Murray Bowen began to develop his family systems theory in the mid-1950s while working…

Read more

05 Jan 2018

My teen is stressing about a career pathway, what should I say ?

  I had no idea what I wanted to do when I  was in year 11. My Mum kept asking me and I kept fobbing her off as I  really didn't know and even discussing it made me feel anxious. I realise now that probably thinking it through a little more often might have helped, but that that time career counsellors at school were relatively untrained and I the one I eventually saw at University said " Oh you are doing an Arts degree, you will be fine " Yep- that is  EXACTLY what he said ! I have a…

Read more

30 Dec 2017

My kid has social anxiety, what can I do ?

One of the hardest things to do when you child is suffering emotionally is to stay calm and find the energy, pace and fortitude to deal with their situation. It can be exhausting as a parent to continually be monitoring your child's emotional regulation as well as trying your best to keep a handle on your own ! Social anxiety is a very real disorder which involves a phobia to being in social situations as they feel very self-conscious being around crowds or groups of people. Symptoms may include extreme shyness, stomach ache, fast heart rate, dizziness, and crying, having…

Read more

05 Dec 2017

Rewards and punishments and your teen

  My daughter said to me a while back, " Mum do you realise  that rewarding us , for doing the right thing is much more of a motivator than punishment for not ?  A light bulb went off for me . Gee she is her mother's daughter that one !  I had a think about his and I  thought about the practical application of this . To be honest my daughter is a clever bugger and there is usually an angle.  Is she right ? Well I certainly wont be giving out cash every time she loads the dishwasher…

Read more

04 Dec 2017

Abuse must never be over shadowed by talent.

  We have heard a lot lately about  sexual harassment  and sexual misconduct in  the workplace, lately. The whole  status and reputation down fall of Harvey Weinstein , has helped to shift our consciousness around  power and status in the work force.  Once upon a time it was well known that some men in high power positions in all manner of big corporations felt entitled to  feel their way through their staff . People would laugh about the " casting couch" and it was not a very well kept secret that  some men at work needed to be "avoided" .…

Read more

29 Nov 2017

What is CBT ? Can it really help me ?

I have this friend, well she's a "frenemy " really. He name is Debbie Downer and she has a habit of jumping into my thoughts and scattering my good feelings like cards into the ether.  I can be ok at 10 am, looking forward to the day, motivated and excited about finding a new job.  By 5pm I am ready to sob into my soup. What happened to my brain between  10am and 5pm ?  Well, my day started out well, then I  got a call to say , I didn't get the job. Hummm... me thinks why not ? …

Read more

26 Nov 2017

Counselling in your own home .Are home visits right for you ?

Some people may  not like the thought of  strangers entering their homes to counsel them but for some people , leaving the home can be a huge dilemma especially if they are suffering acutely or chronically from anxiety, depression, PTSD and social phobias. There are many reasons you may prefer a home visit. Perhaps you don't drive, feel overwhelmed when in open spaces, feel unsafe when you are in unfamiliar closed spaces  or the thought of getting out there is just too overwhelming at the moment?  It can be a huge effort to get dressed and ready to face the…

Read more

29 Oct 2017

Help I hate my step kid !

  I know, it sounds terrible, doesn’t it? And very few step parents would admit that they find it very hard to bond with their step child and unfortunately in their parenting style they show biological child bias, either consciously, or unconsciously. However, the reality is it does happen and it’s ok. Better to admit and deal with it rather than ignore it and pretend it doesn’t exist. I have had step parents in counselling defensively swear black and blue they would “take a bullet for their step child”, only to see the child abandoned once the relationship collapses, sometimes…

Read more

24 Oct 2017

Video-gaming and well-being -yes the two can go together !

Mindful video gaming to reconnect teens  with their real world.    Most parents have reservation sand mixed feelings about video games and their kids. I am a relaxed Mum, but even I have had visions of ending up on Dr Phil, telling the whole world my 18-year-old son pees in an empty coke bottle, so he doesn’t have to leave his 5-hour gaming marathon. The production crew would then show shots of his filthy sheets, stinky socks and two-day old pizza box. Dr Phil would look at me disdainfully and say “How’s it working for ya? “EEK! We have read…

Read more

13 Oct 2017

My teen is always messy -what can I do ?

  Are you frustrated with getting your teenager to do the basics in life without a debate on why you are wrong?  It’s one of the biggest battles there is with teens. Their mess! Do you get the eye rolling? The complaining? The door slamming? Do you get the hours of “stalling “when you ask them to clean up their room, the bathroom? empty the dishwasher? My daughter spent 3 days cleaning her room over the holidays because she said she “had to have breaks “as she sat there on her phone eating crackers. Then of course we blow our…

Read more