05 Dec 2017

Rewards and punishments and your teen

  My daughter said to me a while back, " Mum do you realise  that rewarding us , for doing the right thing is much more of a motivator than punishment for not ?  A light bulb went off for me . Gee she is her mother's daughter that one !  I had a think about his and I  thought about the practical application of this . To be honest my daughter is a clever bugger and there is usually an angle.  Is she right ? Well I certainly wont be giving out cash every time she loads the dishwasher…

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04 Dec 2017

Abuse must never be over shadowed by talent.

  We have heard a lot lately about  sexual harassment  and sexual misconduct in  the workplace, lately. The whole  status and reputation down fall of Harvey Weinstein , has helped to shift our consciousness around  power and status in the work force.  Once upon a time it was well known that some men in high power positions in all manner of big corporations felt entitled to  feel their way through their staff . People would laugh about the " casting couch" and it was not a very well kept secret that  some men at work needed to be "avoided" .…

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29 Nov 2017

What is CBT ? Can it really help me ?

I have this friend, well she's a "frenemy " really. He name is Debbie Downer and she has a habit of jumping into my thoughts and scattering my good feelings like cards into the ether.  I can be ok at 10 am, looking forward to the day, motivated and excited about finding a new job.  By 5pm I am ready to sob into my soup. What happened to my brain between  10am and 5pm ?  Well, my day started out well, then I  got a call to say , I didn't get the job. Hummm... me thinks why not ? …

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26 Nov 2017

Counselling in your own home .Are home visits right for you ?

Some people may  not like the thought of  strangers entering their homes to counsel them but for some people , leaving the home can be a huge dilemma especially if they are suffering acutely or chronically from anxiety, depression, PTSD and social phobias. There are many reasons you may prefer a home visit. Perhaps you don't drive, feel overwhelmed when in open spaces, feel unsafe when you are in unfamiliar closed spaces  or the thought of getting out there is just too overwhelming at the moment?  It can be a huge effort to get dressed and ready to face the…

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29 Oct 2017

Help I hate my step kid !

  I know, it sounds terrible, doesn’t it? And very few step parents would admit that they find it very hard to bond with their step child and unfortunately in their parenting style they show biological child bias, either consciously, or unconsciously. However, the reality is it does happen and it’s ok. Better to admit and deal with it rather than ignore it and pretend it doesn’t exist. I have had step parents in counselling defensively swear black and blue they would “take a bullet for their step child”, only to see the child abandoned once the relationship collapses, sometimes…

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24 Oct 2017

Video-gaming and well-being -yes the two can go together !

Mindful video gaming to reconnect teens  with their real world.    Most parents have reservation sand mixed feelings about video games and their kids. I am a relaxed Mum, but even I have had visions of ending up on Dr Phil, telling the whole world my 18-year-old son pees in an empty coke bottle, so he doesn’t have to leave his 5-hour gaming marathon. The production crew would then show shots of his filthy sheets, stinky socks and two-day old pizza box. Dr Phil would look at me disdainfully and say “How’s it working for ya? “EEK! We have read…

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13 Oct 2017

My teen is always messy -what can I do ?

  Are you frustrated with getting your teenager to do the basics in life without a debate on why you are wrong?  It’s one of the biggest battles there is with teens. Their mess! Do you get the eye rolling? The complaining? The door slamming? Do you get the hours of “stalling “when you ask them to clean up their room, the bathroom? empty the dishwasher? My daughter spent 3 days cleaning her room over the holidays because she said she “had to have breaks “as she sat there on her phone eating crackers. Then of course we blow our…

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09 Oct 2017

Get off that bloody computer kid !

    Is there another member of your family that gets more attention from your teen than either your husband or their siblings? Does this member have such a loving hold over your teen that they won’t even tear their eyes away from that member for the joy of a summer night time swim at the beach or a massive burger  with the family at a great restaurant? Yes, it’s that darn interloper wedging itself between you and your family peace and equilibrium – the internet. Its running riot through your home and your patience and causing you no end…

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05 Oct 2017

So, your son is withdrawn and won’t leave his room?

We know there is something wrong but they just won’t talk- to anyone. Many times, the first time we notice our teen is different is when they withdraw from us and their life. They seem to spend so much time in their room, watching YouTube or playing video games and rarely seem to be going out with friends or doing their usual hobbies.  They barely talk at dinner, and seem to be only momentarily engaged with family and friends. Or as I call it, the “‘needs to know’ basic mode “. Walking around with their “Do Not Disturb” sign activated.…

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29 Sep 2017

Sex and my teen…. the elephant in the room

  So, your 16-year-old daughter wants to have her boyfriend over for a sleepover? It can be doing difficult to navigate sexuality and intimacy with teens of this generation as this " hook up " mentality leaves us parents feeling that teens are far too gung ho and blaze about sex and that they don't give it the respect and boundary expectations that we may give it. We may have grown up with a very different sexual philosophy and this can be compounded if we have different religious and spiritual views to our teenager. I remember in the early 90s, a…

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